Wanting To Be There
by haveyouseenmyhaggis
Summary: When Jim said he needed him, he knew he'd be there because for once in his life, Spock decided to give in to his emotions and deny logic because, frankly, he wanted to be there too. K/S mild slash.


**Title: Wanting To Be There**

**Summary: When Jim said he needed him, he knew he'd be there because** **for once in his life, Spock decided to give in to his emotions and deny logic because, frankly, he wanted to be there too.**

**Author's Note: It took me ages to get this right. Seriously. Please review! It'd mean lots to me! **

**Disclaimer: I do not own _Star Trek 2009. _**

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Love was a strange concept to Spock. It was something he feared yet was curious about. Love was an emotion that could easily compromise a person. Becoming too attached to someone could become a risk because attachment can make a person rash and careless. He'd been taught this from a young age and he'd seen this behaviour displayed countless times. He'd vowed he would never become so dependant on someone that he could lose control should they be threatened.

Yet he found himself lying in bed wearing only a loose pair of trousers with the Captain of the _U.S.S Enterprise _fast asleep across his chest. Asleep was one of the only times that the soft brown-haired, sharp blue-eyed, fireball of life that was James Kirk really looked peaceful for the most part. In the darkened room, Spock could see very little but he could feel Jim breathing slowly, his left hand resting on the Commander's shoulder.

Spock had watched Jim running around all day trying to keep the ship in control while they were under fire from a Klingon fleet and the situation had taken a turn for the worse. Spock had found himself facing death when he'd been taken hostage by the Klingons and Jim had led an illogical and risky rescue mission and had brought him back to safety, relatively unharmed. After a nurse had treated him, he'd watched as his young lover threatened the Klingons, ordering them to give up, to stop their attack. They refused Jim's ultimatum, preferring to go down fighting rather than giving up. Spock noticed the subtle change in his stance as he gave the command, "Fire." He'd seen the pained expression as he'd blown their ships from the sky trying to look set and fierce, eyes were burning with hatred that Spock knew was aimed at himself as well as the Klingon fleet. When the explosions started, Jim had turned away from the screen and taken a deep, steadying breath with his eyes tightly shut while the enemy ships were blasted to pieces.

Spock often wondered if he was the only one to notice the subtle differences that spoke volumes in the Captain's behaviour. It was often only the change in the way he held himself, where he put his hands, the look in his eyes or the way he bit his lip when he was worried that told Spock not only exactly what the human was feeling but also the depth of that emotion. The Vulcan had watched as the love became deeper and deeper in the young man's eyes but had tried to ignore the fact that this love was for him. He tried to bury the growing desire to be with the Captain beneath logic and reason. Jim was human, illogical and irrational yet he was fascinating. Now he knows that fascination can become transfixion and then desire. Spock had always believed that he would only ever need to mate in order to ensure the survival of his race but now he felt a strange _need _to be with Jim. He needed the human now. He liked the feel of his touch, the sound of his voice, the way he cared so deeply but it frightened him to need someone as much as he did.

"I need you tonight, Spock," Jim had said as he'd walked passed the Commander, bumping his shoulder slightly but not looking at him. It was all that needed to be said. Spock would be there. Although he failed to see the logic in this _desire _to be with Jim, he knew he would go. This was why Spock had knocked lightly on the Captain's door after their shifts were over.

The Captain had been very quiet that night. When Spock had entered his room, the young Captain had simply walked straight over to him and wrapped his arms around him. When probed, he'd said, "I thought I was going to lose you today. I'd do anything to keep you safe, Spock." He'd met the Vulcan's eyes with a quietly desperate expression and took his hand, "I was prepared to die for you back there."

"That would be illogical," Spock had replied evenly, lifting Jim's head with his left hand to look at him.

Jim had frowned slightly and for a moment Spock thought he looked hurt, "Why?"

The Vulcan had hesitated before answering, trying to figure out the best way to phrase what he'd wanted to say. The Captain's pale blue eyes were sharp yet soft as he watched anxiously and a strange tension had come over him. Spock had noticed this immediately – the slight strengthening in his grip, holding him tighter – and hastened to explain, "If you died to save my life, I would be required to live my life without you. I would be the reason for your death."

Jim's mouth had opened slightly as he heard this but he hadn't spoken. He buried his head in Spock's shoulder and kissed the Vulcan's collarbone gently. Then, all of a sudden, the jolt in the pit of his stomach had made an appearance. It was always there when he was with Jim and sometimes even only when he thought of the Captain. Lying in bed that night, Spock reflected that it was a strange feeling but it was not unpleasant. He carefully brought a hand up and placed it on the top of Jim's head, playing with his golden-brown hair. Love, he decided, came in different guises. He remembered the love he felt for his Mother and the pain he'd felt when she'd died; that intense sense of loss that consumed him from inside like the black hole that had killed her. He thought about his feelings for his Father and came to the conclusion that the love he held for his parents was a very different type of love to that he felt for Jim Kirk. Nobody else had made him feel quite as special -- as _essential - as_ the young man did. When Jim took his hand in moments when fear was present, Spock knew Jim needed him there. At other times when his lover just looked at him and smiled, Spock knew Jim didn't just need him there, he _wanted _him there. And for once in his life, Spock decided to give in to his emotions and deny logic because, frankly, he wanted to be there too.


End file.
